I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
