If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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