remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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