My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
