I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
