do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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