If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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