Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
