he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
