I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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