dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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