do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
