plz talk dirty to me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
