im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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