I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
