If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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