I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
