Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
