Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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