im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
