non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Randomize
