I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
