so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i will never coherently bang her
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
