life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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