Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
