You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
