my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
