I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
