Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
