Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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