I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
