Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
