Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
