I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
