I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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