The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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