why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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