If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
