Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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