Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
