There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
