what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You are the jesus of drinking
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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