Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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