i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
