saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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