I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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