Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
