Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You may now shotgun with the bride
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
