he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
