How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
