My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
