one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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