Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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