She went from zero to smokin in five shots
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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