Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
