Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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