OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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