Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
