Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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