I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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