I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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