i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
