Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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