Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am mentally ready for anal.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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