I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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