i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
