Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
