i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
