your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
