I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
