i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize