Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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