i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
