So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
