I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
