just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
