i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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