I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
