just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
