I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
