I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
