I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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