Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
