we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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