Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize