Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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