Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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